Everyone single person that faces loss deals with it differently. There is no right or wrong way; there is only your way. And your way will look and feel different on many levels than the person beside you. Grief is personal and it’s complicated. So don’t ever feel bad for feeling bad and allow yourself the time to move through the process the way that is right for you.
Now that being said, there does come a time when grieving over someone or something can become unhealthy and that is when you hold onto the grief and allow it to consume you.If you are grieving you are also healing. The only way out of the pain is to go through it. But there are no rules other than every loss is accompanied by growth of some kind. Loss is navigating through the fire to the other side of life.
Of course you know that the most recent loss and the most difficult loss for me has been losing my mother. But you also know that I, like you, have had many losses in my life. I’ve lost a six figure job, best friends have come and gone in my life, expensive jewelry, I’ve lost relationships because of betrayal.
What have you lost? Some people lose everything, their homes, their families and some lose the ultimate loss of all, a child.
As you can imagine because this is so fresh in my mind I have been quite introspective and contemplating the meaning of loss. I’m sure that this is just the beginning of a long process to unravel my thoughts and feelings but what I have already come to know is that ultimately what I have gained is far greater than my loss. And, what I have gained will live in me forever and it is also something that can never be lost and that is, love.
Loss also teaches us how to become more compassionate. It brings us closer to each other and allows us to break down barriers that may have been built to keep people out which in itself is also a loss. Even though it was there to protect you, that protection ultimately imprisons you.
We can lose material possessions and the people we love but we will never lose the greatest gift of all and that is what lives inside you. Too often we look outside of ourselves for people and things to complete us, to make our lives better. Ironically you have to look no further than your soul or spirit which lives within you.
I have also come to understand that as much as I wished my mom could live forever, I now know she was simply on loan to me and her work is now complete. And coming to terms with that is one of the lessons of life. Although she is not physically here… her love, joy and spirit are still with us.
What Lessons Have YOU Learned?
The gifts that each relationship we have brings to us are part of our life lessons. Too often we overlook the lesson’s because our emotions, bitterness and anger blind us to what there is to learn. We are all on a journey in life and loss is the most painful lesson of all. As you heal you will begin to realize that you only had them temporarily in your life but you will also see that you will always have them in other ways that have touched your life.
So no matter what is going on in your life right now that you feel you can’t get over, not only will you heal but hopefully you will learn from it as well. The only thing permanent in life is change so look at the people that you still have in your life and celebrate them being with you. Let them know how much you love them and how important they are to you. And, appreciate the gifts that God gives you that will live in your hearts forever.
In my opinion, it is not about what we accumulate along the way in possessions and status it is about how we loved that matters the most. When you give love unconditionally, you give a gift that will last forever.
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A few years back I was going through a difficult situation. I tried everything to get past a break up yet I still felt stuck. Other advisors may have helped a little but yours was my turning point!!! Your advice and listening ear touched me and also brought awareness that I didn’t realize in what I needed to know and hear in order to heal and for me to move forward. For that I’m truly grateful! Thanks Susan for setting me free!!! — Michelle B – Southern California