Everyone single person that faces loss deals with it differently. There is no right or wrong way; there is only your way. And your way will look and feel different on many levels than the person beside you. Grief is personal and it’s complicated. So don’t ever feel bad for feeling bad and allow yourself the time to move through the process the way that is right for you.
Now that being said, there does come a time when grieving over someone or something can become unhealthy and that is when you hold onto the grief and allow it to consume you.If you are grieving you are also healing. The only way out of the pain is to go through it. But there are no rules other than every loss is accompanied by growth of some kind. Loss is navigating through the fire to the other side of life.
Of course you know that the most recent loss and the most difficult loss for me has been losing my mother. But you also know that I, like you, have had many losses in my life. I’ve lost a six figure job, best friends have come and gone in my life, expensive jewelry, I’ve lost relationships because of betrayal.
What have you lost? Some people lose everything, their homes, their families and some lose the ultimate loss of all, a child.
As you can imagine because this is so fresh in my mind I have been quite introspective and contemplating the meaning of loss. I’m sure that this is just the beginning of a long process to unravel my thoughts and feelings but what I have already come to know is that ultimately what I have gained is far greater than my loss. And, what I have gained will live in me forever and it is also something that can never be lost and that is, love.
Loss also teaches us how to become more compassionate. It brings us closer to each other and allows us to break down barriers that may have been built to keep people out which in itself is also a loss. Even though it was there to protect you, that protection ultimately imprisons you.
We can lose material possessions and the people we love but we will never lose the greatest gift of all and that is what lives inside you. Too often we look outside of ourselves for people and things to complete us, to make our lives better. Ironically you have to look no further than your soul or spirit which lives within you.
I have also come to understand that as much as I wished my mom could live forever, I now know she was simply on loan to me and her work is now complete. And coming to terms with that is one of the lessons of life. Although she is not physically here… her love, joy and spirit are still with us.
What Lessons Have YOU Learned?
The gifts that each relationship we have brings to us are part of our life lessons. Too often we overlook the lesson’s because our emotions, bitterness and anger blind us to what there is to learn. We are all on a journey in life and loss is the most painful lesson of all. As you heal you will begin to realize that you only had them temporarily in your life but you will also see that you will always have them in other ways that have touched your life.
So no matter what is going on in your life right now that you feel you can’t get over, not only will you heal but hopefully you will learn from it as well. The only thing permanent in life is change so look at the people that you still have in your life and celebrate them being with you. Let them know how much you love them and how important they are to you. And, appreciate the gifts that God gives you that will live in your hearts forever.
In my opinion, it is not about what we accumulate along the way in possessions and status it is about how we loved that matters the most. When you give love unconditionally, you give a gift that will last forever.
Warmest wishes to you in love and laughter…Susan
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A few years back I was going through a difficult situation. I tried everything to get past a break up yet I still felt stuck. Other advisors may have helped a little but yours was my turning point!!! Your advice and listening ear touched me and also brought awareness that I didn’t realize in what I needed to know and hear in order to heal and for me to move forward. For that I’m truly grateful! Thanks Susan for setting me free!!!
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May 27, 2012
Carol Rose says:
Hi Susan,
I just cried while reading your words about your mother. I lost my mom in 2008 and I am still going through timies when I miss her terribly. I can truly say I have had a relationship with loss in a very big way these last few years and the what helps me the most is to speak about it, how it has hurt, and how I can be a better person for those around me who are suffering. When you hurt so bad, it is hard to know how anyone else could even understand what you are going through. What becomes clear is that so many of us are suffering alone and we can really lean on eachother. In the short span of a few years, I lost my long time girl friend and mother to cancer, my sister and two brothers disowned me because I couldnt produce monies they thought were due them when my mom died, and I went through a divorce and my son became mentally ill and is now homeless, and I had to sell my home.
I must say that that the hardest part is getting a grip on a new life where the pain doesnt rule me anymore. The pain is still present but I have a life to live that has all the possiblities of happiness and Joy and love. I have found new and amazing love and I have the best friends and those I call family in my life. I remind myself that I have a choice everyday to be happy or sad. I choose to be happy. It is all in my power, and now that I can see this, it gets easier everyday to have joy. It takes time to heal, and it can take years. To all those out there suffering, remind yourself that it is ok to grieve, but dont get stuck in the place where it becomes your life story, this is the hard part because it is so deeply impacting. I struggle with this and I think it is because we want our pain to be understood. My thoughts and prayers to all of us who have lost our loved ones!
Thankfully thankful,
Carol Rose
May 27, 2012
Susan Russo says:
Carol…you are so right. Loss opens your heart to helping others through the pain. My heart goes out to you for all that you have endured and I pray for you continued strength, courage and peace in your life. God has blessed you with an incredible grace through it all…much love…Susan
May 28, 2012
Carol Rose says:
Thank you Susan! I am here for you too!
Carol Rose
May 27, 2012
Eve says:
Susan I’m so so sorry for your loss. All I can say is hang in there kid you are a true inspiration to us all and your words are always poignant no matter wat we r going through
It is our turn to support you through this tough passage
all my love and good wishes to you and your family
My thoughts r with u n sending you lots of love and hugs
U r not alone
xxxxxxxx
May 27, 2012
Susan Russo says:
Hi Eve…thank you so much for your support it means a lot to me and yes, I will lean on you now in this time of sorrow. THANK YOU again and much love…Susan
May 27, 2012
Li says:
You helped me push on when I really wished not to wake up in the morning. I finally realized my unhealthy grieving had to end or I will never find love again. I wish you light and happiness; you are not alone. xxoo.
May 28, 2012
Susan Russo says:
Li…thank you for your love and wishes…it truly is comforting to know that there are people who are holding me and my family in their thoughts and prayers…Love..Susan
Jun 4, 2012
Grace says:
Susan, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is a honor to be able to briefly meet your Mother through you and your incredible story of your last days with her. Thoughts are with you as your stories continue. In Peace, Grace
Jun 5, 2012
Susan Russo says:
Grace…thank you for your comfort and love that you send…It is appreciated more than you know…warmest wishes to you…Susan