Toxic People

Feb 6, 2010 in Articles by Susan Russo | 4 Comments

We meet thousands of people here on this earth. They will enter your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Some we connect with right away and some we will never bond with. Some are funny and kind and easy to be around and others are mean and nasty and are clearly miserable in life.

But the ones that most negatively impact your life are “toxic people”. They come in all different shapes and sizes, come from all different walks of life and you can spot them a mile away. They typically hate their life and worst of all they secretly hate them.

They are filled with resentments, anger, fear, heartache, bitterness and it seeps through their pores. It is sad to watch and painful to be around.

Toxic people fling insults at others, make condescending comments and then act like they didn’t. I believe most aren’t even aware of the way they come across. They seem to be hell bent on making you as miserable as themselves.

And the worst is if you are married to someone who is toxic. It affects your mental well being because you really can’t get away from the darkness that surrounds this person.

Dealing with toxic people is like walking a tight rope. You always have to watch what you say because they get very defensive. They don’t think anyone likes them (and you wonder why) and nothing seems to make them happy. They drag you down and it’s exhausting trying to make them happy, because the reality is that nothing is going to make an unhappy person happy.

They literally suck the joy out of life and they will suck the joy out of your life if you allow them to.

So how do you deal with someone that is affecting your life in a negative way? What do you do?

First you should be thankful that it isn’t you! And, I say that with sincerity because the statement; “There for the grace of God go I” is the truth.

I don’t believe people who are negative set out to be that way. I believe that a set of circumstances, combined with a limiting belief system; a so called “perfect storm” came together to create this depression. And then, it permeates all areas of their life.

I don’t believe they want to be like this and some aren’t aware that they are. But, when you bore the brunt of someone’s blind negativism, you have to make some choices. You either have to cut bait or hang in for the long haul.

In this day and time we all have enough stresses in our lives and no one needs additional contention added into the mix, particularly one that can be eliminated. Depending on your situation will obviously determine your choice.

I think it’s important for you to voice your concerns about how this person is affecting your life and if it falls on deaf ears, you have your answer.

There are times you may not be in a position to voice your opinion, say,  if it is a boss or someone who is unapproachable, in which case I would do whatever necessary to remove myself from the situation, even if it means changing jobs.

If you are in a position to, I would avoid contact with them at all costs because unless this person has an epiphany they aren’t going to change. And continually setting yourself in their path will only bring you more grief and frustration.

I have a friend whose ex is hell bent on making her life miserable. Every chance he gets he puts her down, takes his anger out on their daughter and creates stress and misery for her. And he thinks he’s a great guy!

The anger and bitterness he carries around with him is apparent in all of his words and actions. And get this; he’s the one who left her!!! So what does he have to be bitter about? The reality is that it’s just who he is; a mean and selfish person.

So, the only thing she can do is avoid contact with him as much as possible and know that his vengeance has nothing to do with her and everything to do with who he is.

You can’t make a toxic person experience joy or bring them happiness; it has to come from within. And, as I said before, when you don’t like yourself or your life, remember, that is the foundation from which they start each day.

If you are in the path of someone who brings you down, who is never happy and doesn’t enhance your life, why stay?

I am all for giving people second chances but you can’t help people who won’t even acknowledge the truth.

I recently had an encounter where I brought to someone’s attention their seeming resentment. They had actually pushed me when they were drunk one night at a business function and not only did they not own up to it and take responsibility for their actions, incredibly they tried to flip it and say it was the other way around!!!

Now seriously how do you deal with someone who can’t even tell themselves the truth or at least own the truth, not to mention apologize for their actions?

So why would you continue to want to be around someone like that? It’s not your fault they aren’t honest, but these kind of people will try to put the blame on you instead of dealing with their demons. We all have to eventually face our demons or else have them control our life.

When people can’t accept themselves for who they are or can’t be honest with themselves about who they are it causes them and those around them a great deal of conflict.

You can try to help toxic people but unless they are willing to help themselves and dig deep down and remove what is poisoning them, no amount of trying is going to help them out.

What you can do is pray for them. Pray that they find a way out of their darkness and tap into the joy, love and laughter that is so close if they only let go of the negativity, but yet so far away if they refuse to see the truth.

Pray that they see their way to a better place where they can begin to enjoy life the way God/Allah/Your Higher Power intended us to. And most importantly of all, don’t judge them; bless them and release them because perhaps it’s all they know.

Warm wishes…Susan

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