Trying to Change Someone?

Jul 6, 2012 in Life Choices by Susan Russo | 2 Comments

Have you ever tried to change someone or wish they would change? Has anyone ever tried to change you or tried to convince you that they are right and you are wrong? It’s amazing how often we either don’t accept people for the way they are or they don’t accept us for who we are either.

This phenomenon runs the gamut from people telling you how to dress, what you should eat or asking why do you like to eat that, (because  “I like it” comes to mind!) to telling you how you should feel and what you should say.

Or, you should do this or do that or you should’ve done this or you should’ve done that. They tell you which way to drive to get somewhere and they may even tell you how to drive and sometimes they plain just drive you crazy. And, the list goes on and on.

When you learn to accept people the way they are with all of their little idiosyncrasies instead of trying to change them you and they will be much happier. I always say, you be you and I’ll be me!

Of course I see this a lot in relationships when I’m coaching someone and in my younger years I’ve even made valiant attempts myself to change my partner to be who I wished they would be instead of accepting them the way they were. Only to find out in the end the best lesson of all; you can’t change anyone but yourself.

The problems arises when one person isn’t happy and they wish the other person would change or do something differently or change some behavior or act like they care or whatever the circumstances. Basically they don’t feel love and they aren’t getting their needs met and as you know that isn’t a good thing.

So they start about the business of trying to make the other person understand that they have needs and they want them to not only understand what they are but hope they will at least attempt to work things out together. And then, the bigger problems arises when you voice your feelings and absolutely nothing changes…talk about a let down.

The bottom line is we all deserve to be in a mutually loving, giving, caring and fulfilling relationship on some level. And, it’s important to voice your feelings and set some boundaries in your relationships. Then if nothing changes, well, guess what? You then have some decisions to make. You either put up and shut up or you get up and go!

Ouch! That’s hard to hear, but it’s reality. But what people do instead is they stay in their comfort zone because they’d rather put up with what they know and they settle, instead of taking the chance to have a better life and explore what they don’t know. So, they suffer in comfort!

Do You Suffer in Comfort?

Mind you I’m not talking about the little nuances and challenges present in normal relationships. I’m discussing wanting to change someone’s behavior because you are being treated less that you deserve. These kind of behaviors can cause you to feel hurt, resentful, frustrated and depressed.

The fact is you don’t have to do anything and you can maintain status quo. But, if that is your choice, learn how to accept things just the way they are and figure out how to be happy at the same time. You will have to figure out how to change your expectations and change how you look at your partner so you don’t drive yourself crazy trying to change someone when you can’t

Warm wishes and stay cool this weekend! It’s a scorcher…Love ..Susan

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