Okay my friends listen up. I have been talking to a lot of people lately who are not happy and 99% of the time they blame it on someone else or something else. Well here’s a news flash: no one can make you unhappy but you! Yes, things are going to happen in life you don’t like. Things will happen that will rock your world and turn it upside down. But…
Remember, it’s not what happens to us in life that matters, what matters is how we CHOOSE to view it. Your interpretation of what happens is how you are going to experience it. Sure, in the beginning of any mind blowing event you will be knocked off your feet. You can even have a pity party and I’ll come to it! But no one wants to attend the same party over and over again and neither should you.
For some people this next statement may be hard to fathom but, drum roll please….Happiness is a choice!
You can allow life’s circumstances control how you feel or you can control how you feel. You have the power inside your mind to choose how you want to react to life. You have this mind that can make heaven out of hell or hell out of heaven. It’s all about what you CHOOSE to tell yourself over and over and over again about what has happened to you or what is happening to you.
Many people are waiting to be happy. I just taught a class on goal setting and creating your intention. As you know a goal is something you aspire to at some point in the future. People live there life believing they will be happy WHEN they reach that place in the future.
I will be happy when I meet someone. I will be happy when I get out of debt. I will be happy when I move out of this place. I will be happy when I get married, or divorced for that matter. Why are you waiting to be happy? Another news flash: You will be happy when you decide you will be!
One of the most important aspects in my class is to impart the fact that goals are great but it’s all about enjoying the journey along the way. Life is the journey. You can’t wait until you get somewhere to be happy, you’re already here.
Now is the time to be happy. Right now.
If you live your life waiting for something to happen until you are happy, you will waste most of your life wanting and waiting and never fully living.
So how can you be happy when you don’t feel happy? You begin by looking at the blessings in your life. Instead of focusing on what you don’t want and what makes you feel bad, focus your thoughts on how fortunate you are in so many other ways that may have let slipped your mind.
Look, we all have issues and things going on, that’s life. But when you truly grasp the concept that all you have is right now; you can either enjoy it or miss out on it. When you dwell on the past, feeling guilty or regretful for things, where are you? Not here, not living right now. You are living in the past and believe me that is no where to live.
Or, if you are worried about the future and your fears and doubts cause you more stress and anxiety, how does that affect you right now? You can’t live in the future so why continue to project you mind out there; onto things that may or may not even happen?
Just for today, take a break from the past, shelve your worries about the future and live for right now. Be at peace and enjoy today, enjoy your friends and your family. Enjoy nature, a good movie, or a walk. Each time you catch yourself going down the road that leads to negativity, stop yourself and stay on the path towards gratitude.
Life is a gift we are given each and every day. Don’t wait to be happy. Celebrate life!
Love and warmest wishes…Susan
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Dearest Susan,
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You have blessed my life with your words. I can’t thank you enough. I have my life back. Even though it was so hard, you made it easier. May God Bless your work and many more good wishes.
Feb 11, 2012
Debbie says:
Thanks so much Susan. I needed to hear that again today!
Feb 12, 2012
Len says:
Susan, I am sorry, I have tried, and tried and tried and tried, and it is simply NOT working, I KNOW I have everything to be grateful for… believe me, I have EVERYTHING going for me in life, most people would be extremely envious. But none of it means anything, it is worthless to me unless I can share it with the woman I love. I have been on a yo-yo with her trying to figure out if she wants a life with me or someone she met while she waited for me to get a divorce. Without getting into any details, she has given many, many, many mixed signals because I am sure she just goes not know what to do. She has told me she loves two men. Now, we have agreed to non-communication for 2 months. We are only 2 months into this and I am losing my mind. I KNOW I will not be able to live if she decides she wants to stay with this other man (by the way, she told me that she needed this time without my influence because… “I wonder if I would be so critical of Paul if it were not for you, I wonder if I would give Paul a break if it were not for you, I need to be with Paul if as thought you are no longer in my life so that I can give him a fair chance). She has been with this guy for a year and a half now and she needs to give him a fair chance? “I think” she loves me but has no reason (other than that) to break it off with him. She simply does not want to hurt him because “he is a nice guy”. But in the meantime, at the end of these 8 weeks, if she does not finally come back to me, I KNOW I can’t go on. I have been trying to live a life without her for 1 1/2 years. I honestly and seriously think of here every minute of every day and my mind just can’t take it anymore. I feel mentally exhausted. I KNOW I will never be happy without her and at the end of these 8 weeks I intend to give up on EVERYTHING. I just can’t live like this anymore. I have everything in the world yet I have nothing. Yes, I read what your wrote, it may work some of the time for some people but I assure you, it does not work for everyone and it can’t work for me.
Feb 13, 2012
Brett says:
Len, don’t you see what she is doing? She is keeping you lerking in the background in case it doesn’t work out with the other guy, ( her choice for a partner). Like it or not, you are insurance to her, that hurts yes, but thats the truth of the matter. You need to understand that women do not want needy guys, they are attracted to strong, independant, confident men. You are shooting yourself in the foot with your attitude. I was helped by a fellow named francisco and believe me friend, you need to hear what he has to say. He is at vitalcoaching.com Check it out. I am not an affiliate or gaining at all by recommending him. I feel your pain, and hope to lead you to help that will get you through this, empower yourself, and get the relationship you deserve. Keep listening to Susan as well, dont give up, I saved years of misery by checking him out and listening…. and by most of all, taking action. Good luck with that. B
Feb 13, 2012
Tom says:
Hi Len
Sounds like we were both in the same frame of mind and I was in it for a year of not being able to move on. I joined a divorce/seperation group and went to meetings twice a week and surrounded myself with people that could understand what I was going through. It helped me a lot to be around this group of people because we could all relate to the pain we were expirencing. Eventually Christina called me and wanted to meet to see about getting back together, I was in heaven but I was also afraid. I made a condition to us getting back together and that was we both had to go to counseling, and we did. I’ll cut to the chase we lasted together for a year but in that year she had cut me off frm any and all affection,kissing, hugging, cuddling and yes sex. I was more devastated the 2nd time around because she told me that it would never happen again but it did. I took me a long time and with the help of Susan to realize that no one could make me happy but me, I needed to do it even though I went back into counseling. It’s up to us to make our own happiness, no matter what until we get this and really understand it we determine our own happiness. So when you say you can’t go on I know you have the strength to move past this, even if you take baby steps and little by little you will realize that the pain isn’t so difficult day after day. One really big thing to remember is that as long as you are in any kind of contact with her you will not be able to move foward, you may think it helps to have some kind of contact even if it’s a text message or an email it actually does more harm to you then good. As hard as it will be for you, you need to cut all contact with her. Only after you are able to do this will the pain start to go away and you will think more clearly and see the direction you need to go on in life. There is hope for you Len but only you can make the necessary changes to ease your pain, remember what Susan says if you tell yourself you can’t move on, you will do exactly what you are telling yourself. Hang in there buddy I will pray for you. And Susan thank you for the help and your words of wisdom you pass onto to us, your words and advise are perfect for all of us. We can all tell that you care about your readers, you are truly a blessing to me and to us.
Feb 14, 2012
carmen mifsud says:
Hi Len, my heart goes out for you and I was in the same place once! Have you read ‘There is life after whats his name’ by Susan Russo? Before giving up, I recommend you give it a shot…nothing to lose but lots to gain!! good luck and believe in yourself. Carmen
Feb 16, 2012
vicky williams says:
Hello Len,I have seen your story,ti is a bit heart rending,I am a woman too and I know from what I read, that this person is just having you on for a ride. I have wasted many years waiting for someone who had no intention of settling with me.One day I come to my senses and say enough is enough and just stop all communication with him. I got over the pain and I tell you it is hurtful when you love someone and they not reading from your page. Look in the mirror and say I am wonderfully made,there is someone for everyone, ever pot have a cover and there is someone somewhere waiting for you. thing you should give your life up for is salvation.God can mend your heart. he is a heart mender. trust him with your life, talk to him whether you are a christian or not,You are His wonderful son and when he loves you, he will be with you for ever. This lady is wasting your valuable time.When God close one door on you He will open better ones then you will look back in time and thank Him. See Psalms 147 v 3 He healeth the broken heart, and bindeth up their wounds,Don’t give your love to a woman who is trading you for another it does not worth. Cheer up God love you and you will get over this in good time. Cheer up talk with a Godly person they will encourage you, remember encouragement is better than correction.. God bless Vicky
Mar 10, 2012
Leebo9 says:
Leebo9…
Wonderful blog post, saw on…
Mar 22, 2012
Stone Mauk says:
Thank you ever so for you post.Thanks Again. Continue writing.
Mar 22, 2012
Susan Russo says:
HI Stone…it’s comments like this that keep me moving forward knowing I’m making a difference…:)